Stories of Hope

It was a beautiful fall day in October of 2022 when my husband Keith and I were married in our home church in sunny Jupiter, Florida. The following day, we boarded our flight to Las Vegas, Nevada where we would later rent a car and begin the three-hour drive to Zion National Park. We spent our days climbing mountains, riding horses, and eventually venturing out to explore the other nearby parks. We gasped at the view from the top of the Grand Canyon, and we marveled at the stunning red and orange rock formations in Bryce Canyon National Park. To this day, we view our honeymoon as the best trip of our life and made incredible memories in the mountains of the Wild West. The beginning of our happily ever after. 

Once returning home to Florida, it took a few months before we decided we were ready to start trying for a baby. I assumed I would get pregnant rather quickly. I didn’t have anyone in my family who struggled to conceive, and I assumed I would probably get pregnant right away. Month after month went by. I saw nothing but continued negative pregnancy tests. This season of waiting on the Lord for a child was deeply discouraging, but I renewed my mind with Psalm 84:11 “For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.” After nearly a year of negative tests, I scheduled an appointment with a doctor to see if something was wrong with me. Around the same time, I began to feel nauseous. I had felt “nausea” in previous months and wasn’t pregnant, so I thought little of it. I went to my doctorsappointment and was told to try for another year, and then if I still wasn’t pregnant we could do a full work up to see if there was an underlying medical condition keeping me from getting pregnant. The next couple days, the nausea increased, as well as my sense of smell. The perfume I normally loved to wear was suddenly too powerful and unbearable. Then, one night, my husband and I beheld two strong pink lines on a pregnancy test. We were elated. The Lord had opened my womb. 

What followed was debilitating pregnancy nausea and vomiting. We had to move in with my parents for the first three months of my pregnancy, so they could help me during the day. But in the midst of throwing up all day, barely eating, and feeling like I was going to faint constantly, we gave thanks to the Lord for opening my womb and giving us a baby. We later found out it was a baby girl. The doctor told us at the anatomy scan that we had “a perfect baby girl.” I will never forget her saying that. It was such a joyful time. On September 17, 2024, I gave birth to our little Guinevere Grace, and she really was perfect (at least to us!!). We spent the next year in bliss. All was perfect. 

In November of 2025, I once again began having strange symptoms. We had not been trying for a baby, and I didn’t think I would ever get pregnant “accidentally” after all we went through the first time around. But low and behold, there were two pink lines on a pregnancy test. I took three more tests to be sure. All positive. The Lord had given us another little life. We were excited and thankful that the Lord had blessed us with a second child. But this time around, all would not be “perfect”. After my very first appointment, we received concerning news that my thyroid didn’t seem to be functioning optimally. On top of that, my husband learned he would be losing a significant portion of his income starting in 2026. He would be forced to look for a new job elsewhere. The job search was very discouraging, and things seemed like they kept falling through. We began to argue, both stressed about finances. How would we care for two little ones when he couldn’t find a job? We had to keep reminding ourselves of Matthew 6. The Lord cares for the birds and feeds them, how much more does he care for us? But it was a struggle to trust the Lord. During that time, Keith’s father was undergoing cancer treatment, and my parents were going through a difficult divorce. It was a challenging time for us as a family. But all those fears and concerns would fly away every time we had an ultrasound or got to hear our babies hear beat. They had a beautiful strong heartbeat (182!) and continued to grow. All looked well with the baby, even though there were concerns about my thyroid. 

Around 8-9 weeks I began to feel incredibly nauseous again and throwing up often. It was incredibly challenging trying to care for my toddler while throwing up and feeling terrible all day, and my husband ended up having to help as much as he could so I could rest. He thankfully was working from home during this time. It was a challenging time physically, but the Lord got us through. We were so excited to meet our little one, and a few months of pain was worth it for another little baby to hold. Around 14 weeks, I began to feel better. Little did I know, this was not a good sign. On Tuesday, February 3^rd, I woke up to blood stained sheets. I was 16 weeks 4 days. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I raced to the bathroom, and it was confirmed. I was bleeding. I already had a midwife appointment scheduled for later that afternoon, but I asked to come in sooner because of the bleeding. They told me to come in as soon as possible. My husband and I packed our daughter into the car and we raced over to the office. I called my dad to let him know what was happening, and he met us there. When we arrived, I left our daughter with my dad, and we headed into the ultrasound room. My midwife kept trying to reassure me that bleeding didn’t automatically mean the baby was dead, it could be several non-serious issues. I tried to have hope. The ultrasound tech began by scanning my cervix. “That looks good!” I had a little more hope. But when she moved up and my baby came up on the screen, they were completely and utterly still. At that moment, I knew they were gone. The ultrasound tech didn’t have to say a word. The stillness of my unborn child spoke for itself. I began to cry. “I can’t find a heartbeat.” I know. My husband began to cry. My dad came into the room with my daughter and he began to cry. We were all just sitting there crying, trying to process what we were just told. “I am so sorry” came from my midwife. I told her it’s okay. I said I know they are with God. They continued the ultrasound to determine gender. They told us we had a baby boy. The Lord had given us a boy and then had taken him home. Blessed be the name of the Lord. I will never forget the words from the ultrasound tech saying there was no heartbeat, and I will never forget the lifeless stillness of my unborn son on ultrasound. It was awful. But still we had hope. We knew our son was with the Lord. We knew he was happy, safe in the arms of God, and we knew we would see him again one day. 

We began discussing next steps. I had a D&C scheduled for that Friday. It broke my heart knowing I would never be able to see or hold my baby. I remember briefly throwing up a prayer “let me see my baby” not realizing that the Lord would indeed answer that. On Thursday night, 12 hours before my scheduled D&C, I felt a big gush. My water had broken. What followed was heavy bleeding that only seemed to become worse with each passing second. I frantically texted my midwife asking if this was normal. I began to bleed so much I didn’t know what to do. My husband called 911 as blood began to pour from me. While my husband was on the phone with 911, I delivered our son. I got into our bathtub and just sat there holding my son while I continued to bleed profusely. It is a miracle I didn’t pass out or worse. The Lord was in control, and he kept me alive. I spoke to my son as I held him. Decay had not yet touched his little body. He was beautiful. During the ultrasound, they told me he looked beautifully formed. Indeed, this was true. Even at such a young age, he reminded me of my daughter. My placenta was retained, so my son was attached to me until paramedics arrived and took me to the hospital. It was there that they cut the umbilical cord and had me say goodbye to my son. They assured me I would get his body back in order to lay him to rest. I had an emergency D&C to remove the retained placenta that night. All went well. The bleeding was now under control, and I was discharged the following day. My hemoglobin dropped to an 8, only a point or so away from needing a blood transfusion, so I felt extremely weak leaving the hospital. Leaving the hospital without my son was one of the most heartbreaking moments of my life. But I reminded myself that he lives on, he was safe with the Lord. 

The weeks that followed were incredibly difficult. I was utterly traumatized. The first two weeks, I constantly felt like I was going to die. I had to cling to Psalm 23, Matthew 6, as well as read a lot of 1^st and 2^nd Samuel, specifically the life of David. I had to constantly remind myself that my life was in the Lords hands. I need not fear death, as all death does is deliver us into the hands of our Lord and Savior. I struggled with flashbacks and nightmares; images of the blood filling my bathtub haunted me. Every single day I had to choose to trust the Lord and depend entirely on him, knowing that every day of my life was already ordained for me. He was and is in control! I had no reason to fear. My assurance in the Lord grew. We chose to name our son Bryce Steele. Bryce, after one of the national parks we went to on our honeymoon. Steele, my husband’s grandmother’s maiden name. 

It was and still is incredibly heartbreaking to lose our baby boy, but we have so much hope and joy knowing we will see him again. We know he has no pain, no sorrow, only indescribable joy. We know that life with the Lord in heaven is far greater than life on earth with us in this sin-cursed world. We have peace and trust in the Lord through this trial. We know the Lord always has a purpose in what He does. We don’t know why the Lord chose to take our son, but we don’t have to know why. He calls us to trust him and to trust his character. He is infinitely wise, good, all knowing, loving, and holy. He knows what is best. He only does what is best for us and what brings himself the most glory. We have seen through this trial how the Lord has strengthened our marriage. We also know that this trial will allow us to be more useful for Christ, and we are now able to share our hope and comfort with others. 

On March 5^th, exactly a month after the miscarriage, we received Bryce’s remains in a little urn with a teddy bear carved into it. Receiving his remains was hard, but the Lord comforted us and we were reminded that Bryce lives on, and we will see him again. We long for the day we will be rejoined with him.  

What scriptures did you cling to on the hardest nights? 

Psalm 23, Matthew 6, 2 Samuel 12:23, Psalm 131 

What hymns or songs comforted you? 

• Christ the Sure and Steady Anchor – Matt Boswell  
• Christ Our Hope in Life and Death – Keith and Kristyn Getty 
• Though You Slay Me – Shane and Shane 
• My Heart Is Filled With Thankfulness – Keith and Kristyn Getty  
• Be Still My Soul (In You I Rest) – Kari Jobe 
• Psalm 23 – The Corner Room 

What did people do that ministered to you? 

Friends and family brought us meals. People wrote cards to us and brought us flowers. They visited our home. They prayed with us. They shared their own experiences of loss and encouraged us through ours. My dad cleaned up all the blood after my miscarriage, so I didn’t have to come home to see that. My dad, my sister, and my brother watched my daughter while my husband and I were in the hospital. People brought me Gatorade and sports drinks to restore what had been lost during the miscarriage.  

What should people not say or do to others in similar circumstances?  

• “These things happen.” – This is neither helpful nor comforting. In what other circumstances is that ever appropriate? Do we say “these things happen” to someone who was just diagnosed with cancer? Or to someone whojust lost a spouse? No! So why is it appropriate in miscarriage? In my opinion, I do not find this statement helpful, as it dismisses the individual’s pain and suffering. Instead, it is best to say things such as “I am so sorry for your loss. I am praying for you. How can I best serve you in this time.” Then, offer practical help.  
• “There was probably something wrong with the baby, so it’s a mercy this happened.” –Once again, not helpful or comforting. It is best to refrain from saying such things, especially since many times this is simply not true.  
• Not acknowledging the loss. I understand that people don’t always know what to say and of course no one wants to say the wrong thing. But something as simple as “We are praying for you” goes a long way. It is hurtful when people do not acknowledge your pain.  
• Offering to help, then not following through on providing the help you offered. Examples of this would be individuals who offered to watch our daughter or send money for food and we accepted, then never actually followed through on any of it and I didn’t hear from them at all afterwards. This was hurtful.  “Little children, let us not love with word or tongue, but in deed and truth.” 1 John 3:18 

What hope has Jesus given you in your loss? 

We have the hope of eternal life. We know our son is enjoying that now. We know we will one day see him again and be with him forever with the Lord. We know death doesn’t have the final victory. Christ conquered death. We rejoice. “O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?” 1 Corinthians 15:55 

How has the ministry of Hope in the Mourning encouraged you?  

I spent time reading many stories shared on Hope in the Mourning’s website. These stories of hope in the midst of grief brought me comfort amid my own trial and I saw how the Lord carries us all through our pain and suffering and grants us renewed strength in Him.